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May 26, 2013
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straw-stitched and hanging
off every word--

violated:

pressing my ears
against your brittle
hives

and

smoking

you

out
Re-uploading an old poem from another account. :p
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:iconmadameshadowenn:
madameshadowenn Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The first comment I owe you for placing third in *ssolaris's contest! Congratulations :rose:

I love the way you've compared someone to a bee in this; it's a really interesting idea that I've not seen before. The alliteration in your very first line is also a great hook.
I will say I don't really think you need the word "and" all on it's own. It doesn't seem to be serving a purpose, although that is my own personal opinion which you are very free to ignore :rose:
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:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

-Dances around- Yeah, I'm a winnner~!

I have a weird habit of comparing people to insects, I warn you. :XD: I just love bees a symbolic sense--with that "hivemind," they have so much potential for it. But, anyways, thanks.

Hmm...I can see what you mean. I really just put it there to tie the last two stanzas together, although it doesn't really fufill a purpose past that. (Which is against the poet's standards, I know.) But, I feel if I change it, some part of the flow will be lost. /:

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:iconmadameshadowenn:
madameshadowenn Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:clap: :D

That's perfectly okay. I have a habit of comparing people to plants, so I think we're even :)

That is a bit of a conundrum, but of course, if you're happy, then leave it as it is!
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:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

I think I will. :XD: I wrote this poem a whole 2 years ago...I don't really want to change it now.

Plants & insects are great reminders of people. :meow:

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:iconmadameshadowenn:
madameshadowenn Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D I know that feeling!
:nod: We are in complete agreement.
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:iconlacewinged-beauty:
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013   Writer
Such a lovely description ... :heart:

Just one little thing: I think the last line would have more punch if you only italicized the word out.
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:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. :hug:

I think I may just do that...I was having a bit of trouble figuring out how to format how I want it to be read. I imagined those last three words to be a kind of threat--hissed, ya know? I wanted "out" to almost spat...so the italics there will add some needed emphasis I couldn't find a way to show.
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:iconlacewinged-beauty:
Lacewinged-Beauty Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013   Writer
I'm glad to have helped.
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:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
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:iconquietophobic:
quietophobic Featured By Owner May 29, 2013
UGH YES PLEASE.
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