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Literature Devious Collection by Oriole-of-Silver


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Submitted on
February 23, 2013
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maybe once
this would've been
poetic
but i'm crying &
there's nothing
pretty
or wonderful
here

i think
my face is scrunched
like a red rag
in the sink
slumped beneath a leaky
faucet &
my hands are shaking

maybe i could make
it
sound nice--
high
buzzed
lustful
but what i have
you won't like

memories
and do you want them too?
stealing & paying
pressing bottles and
pictures to my sternum
the heat
the cold

maybe it's the silence
that hurts
the stumbling
the tumult of words down
the sink and
across the floor
the empty heads
&

i was pretty then
bird-legs and stilted poems
so nice
numbering stars and
crushing books between
my teeth

but no not today
i'm a husk
a balloon
waiting for everything
to destroy me

to prick a hole
start an earthquake
I actually have angst in my gallery now. Nuu.
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:iconwinteroffire:
WinterofFire Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I know how you feel....
beautiful... and tragic
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:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Thank you. I tried to express those emotions in the rawest way I could. Thank you, again, for the comment--it's nice to know I could make something beautiful out of ugly thoughts.
Reply
:iconwinteroffire:
WinterofFire Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome ( I'd put the hugging emotiocon, but I'm not sure how to)
The rawness is usually what makes it feel very real, you know? I think it's just... there's beauty in ugliness, it's just harder to find. You're welcome =]
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Just do it like this, minus the spaces : hug :

It turns into :hug:. You can do the same thing with some other words (see these in the emoticons green-clickable-thing below.)

Sometimes I think ugliness can be more "poetic" than beauty.
Reply
:iconwinteroffire:
WinterofFire Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
yayy, i have accomplished this!

yes, it is, it touches people more as well.
Reply
:icon4sauce4:
4sauce4 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Student Writer
You know why I like this? Because, even if it is angsty, it's well-done. It isn't generic like most angst poem that get put out there. I confess, I have a few of those types myself. ^^;

Anyway, I like the simplicity in your word choice. It feels so real. Plus, I really enjoy that this could have a double meaning. Perhaps it isn't only about relationships, but it's also about an artist unsure of him/herself, afraid to show his/her work to the world because...no one is ever going to want it. =P
I always love the structure of your work. I keep trying to figure out how to implement this kind of structure into my own stuff. Too bad it isn't working. >.<

Ahem...
Very good work, as usual! :D
:iconbravoplz:
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I tried to make this as blunt and straight-forward-but-not as possible. XD I wanted people to connect, to feel their words and emotions not wrapped up in a little bow and placed in their lap. I wanted it to slap them in the face, pull them down by the eyelids and tell them what they are. Of course, that wouldn't work out (I need more practice/talent >.>), but this is my try.

It's so nice to hear that the structure is good. :p That's not exactly my strongest suit, if you know what I mean.
Reply
:iconforeststone:
Foreststone Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a really good poem and I'm so sorry I was going to critique but I can't find anything wrong with it ^^; to critique it. I'll someone else critique it!
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
XD Well, I think that's a good sign! Thank you for the comment, and also, I'd love to hear what people think I could improve on. :)
Reply
:iconforeststone:
Foreststone Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hmmm what you could improve on....the structure is really good, the style is unique, and the grammar makes my OCD go wild XD(because of the I's not being capitalized :lol:)! BUT there is one thing you could improve on I just figure out! Your wording! Try and have words that pack an emotional punch like instead of crying here:
but i'm crying &
there's nothing
pretty
or wonderful
here

You could use:
but i'm weeping &
there's nothing
pretty (maybe use another word instead of pretty?)
or wonderful
here


That is my critique :eager: Can I move this poem to the "Poetry III" folder now?
Reply
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