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Literature Devious Collection by Oriole-of-Silver


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Submitted on
February 23, 2013
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maybe once
this would've been
poetic
but i'm crying &
there's nothing
pretty
or wonderful
here

i think
my face is scrunched
like a red rag
in the sink
slumped beneath a leaky
faucet &
my hands are shaking

maybe i could make
it
sound nice--
high
buzzed
lustful
but what i have
you won't like

memories
and do you want them too?
stealing & paying
pressing bottles and
pictures to my sternum
the heat
the cold

maybe it's the silence
that hurts
the stumbling
the tumult of words down
the sink and
across the floor
the empty heads
&

i was pretty then
bird-legs and stilted poems
so nice
numbering stars and
crushing books between
my teeth

but no not today
i'm a husk
a balloon
waiting for everything
to destroy me

to prick a hole
start an earthquake
I actually have angst in my gallery now. Nuu.
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:iconwinteroffire:
WinterofFire Featured By Owner May 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I know how you feel....
beautiful... and tragic
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:hug: Thank you. I tried to express those emotions in the rawest way I could. Thank you, again, for the comment--it's nice to know I could make something beautiful out of ugly thoughts.
Reply
:iconwinteroffire:
WinterofFire Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome ( I'd put the hugging emotiocon, but I'm not sure how to)
The rawness is usually what makes it feel very real, you know? I think it's just... there's beauty in ugliness, it's just harder to find. You're welcome =]
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner May 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Just do it like this, minus the spaces : hug :

It turns into :hug:. You can do the same thing with some other words (see these in the emoticons green-clickable-thing below.)

Sometimes I think ugliness can be more "poetic" than beauty.
Reply
:iconwinteroffire:
WinterofFire Featured By Owner May 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug:
yayy, i have accomplished this!

yes, it is, it touches people more as well.
Reply
:icon4sauce4:
4sauce4 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Student Writer
You know why I like this? Because, even if it is angsty, it's well-done. It isn't generic like most angst poem that get put out there. I confess, I have a few of those types myself. ^^;

Anyway, I like the simplicity in your word choice. It feels so real. Plus, I really enjoy that this could have a double meaning. Perhaps it isn't only about relationships, but it's also about an artist unsure of him/herself, afraid to show his/her work to the world because...no one is ever going to want it. =P
I always love the structure of your work. I keep trying to figure out how to implement this kind of structure into my own stuff. Too bad it isn't working. >.<

Ahem...
Very good work, as usual! :D
:iconbravoplz:
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I tried to make this as blunt and straight-forward-but-not as possible. XD I wanted people to connect, to feel their words and emotions not wrapped up in a little bow and placed in their lap. I wanted it to slap them in the face, pull them down by the eyelids and tell them what they are. Of course, that wouldn't work out (I need more practice/talent >.>), but this is my try.

It's so nice to hear that the structure is good. :p That's not exactly my strongest suit, if you know what I mean.
Reply
:iconforeststone:
Foreststone Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a really good poem and I'm so sorry I was going to critique but I can't find anything wrong with it ^^; to critique it. I'll someone else critique it!
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
XD Well, I think that's a good sign! Thank you for the comment, and also, I'd love to hear what people think I could improve on. :)
Reply
:iconforeststone:
Foreststone Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hmmm what you could improve on....the structure is really good, the style is unique, and the grammar makes my OCD go wild XD(because of the I's not being capitalized :lol:)! BUT there is one thing you could improve on I just figure out! Your wording! Try and have words that pack an emotional punch like instead of crying here:
but i'm crying &
there's nothing
pretty
or wonderful
here

You could use:
but i'm weeping &
there's nothing
pretty (maybe use another word instead of pretty?)
or wonderful
here


That is my critique :eager: Can I move this poem to the "Poetry III" folder now?
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanke ye ever so kindly for the critique, m'dear. I'm always looking to improve my art, however here I will give my reasoning. I used simple words like "cry" & "pretty" for their emotional appeal: there's nothing poetic or eloquent about them. They're words that are overused--lacking art: and in this poem, that expresses the narrator's feelings. They cannot make something poetic, something beautiful out of their situation. So, I chose very simple diction. :la:

Again, thank you so much for putting in the time and effort to help me improve. I am deeply indebted to you. :) And yes, you may move it to wherever you wish. X3
Reply
:iconforeststone:
Foreststone Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, yes that is a good reason. I'm learning a lot by critiquing other peoples work :)

You are very welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconforeststone:
Foreststone Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*I'll let
Reply
:iconvioletwriter97:
violetwriter97 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Student Writer
The word I would use to describe it is strong. It comes at you swiftly and steals you away.
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My words tackled you? o,o' (Thanks for the comments and lovely words.)

Happy late 16th birthday, by the way...not a creep.
Reply
:iconallofmyconfusion:
allofmyconfusion Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013   Writer
beautifully written. I love "but what i have
you won't like"
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) Thanks for the comment--I'm glad you like it. ^^
Reply
:iconglittershungergames:
Glittershungergames Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
This poem would make amazing lyrics
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:V Thanks~ I have no idea how you'd sing it though. XD
Reply
:iconglittershungergames:
Glittershungergames Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
XD me neither. It'd be cool if one could, though
Reply
:iconkori-fuzy:
kori-fuzy Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I thoroughly enjoyed this poem.. I think i have a poem tucked away
somewhere that is extremely similar to the setting and tone,
as well as the words... This poem really talks to me. I love it.


If you ever need anyone to talk to,
i may not be good with words and
help but i will listen and offer my best.
Chin up, kiddo! :D
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think it's that type of poem that expresses the way may people feel; and, maybe it's close enough to a good expression that it's similar. -shrug-

Thanks for the comment and all. Also, I'll keep your name under the "advice" part of my brain. :la:
Reply
:iconkori-fuzy:
kori-fuzy Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
lol, good.(:
Reply
:icontriptychforinnocence:
TriptychForInnocence Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Very powerful imagery, and I love the sob-disrupted flow of it. Well done.
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It seems a lot of people have noticed that...it's a good thing too; I wanted to make it a poem that you'd say between gasps. Thank you very much for the comment and all~
Reply
:icontriptychforinnocence:
TriptychForInnocence Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Then you managed to do what you intended to :) You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconangelofdarkness54322:
angelofdarkness54322 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Digital Artist
i now know that i'm not the only person who feels this way. it makes me feel... safe
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It is nice to know you're not alone. It's a comfort to say the least. :heart:
Reply
:iconangelofdarkness54322:
angelofdarkness54322 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student Digital Artist
<3
Reply
:iconblack-ops-girl:
black-ops-girl Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
*hands tissues* weclome to the club
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
-blows nose- Thanks...-sniffles-
Reply
:iconfantasticeverything:
fantasticEverything Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, I don't know how to phrase my thoughts on this poem...It's written like the hiccups between tears and that brings back so many memories...This is brilliant and don't think it's bad to have angst in a gallery when it captures so much humanity!
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The goal of my poetry is to advance one's humanity (I'm an ambitious person)--so even though I think this is a bit sappy, it's totally worth anything I think if I can evoke emotion. :meow: Thanks for the comment, as always, and for the fav. ^^
(This poem was basically an emotional hiccup for me. I just broke down and wrote something.)
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
This is amazing especially the affect of the one word lines :)
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) Thanks! Nice to hear~
Reply
:iconfoxofebony:
FoxofEbony Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
You're welcome :D
Reply
:iconabracadabrante:
Abracadabrante Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
:hug: This is really beautiful.
I like how it's written very... breathlessly. I love poetry like that. And there's something about your use of the ampersands that I just love.

"Numbering stars and crushing books between my teeth" wow.

And don't worry, every poet needs some angst in their gallery.
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! It's a wonder that I can create things people feel like that about...I've felt it with other's poetry, and envied it immensely.
(I love ampersands...they're just so...I don't know--there's something very poetic about them. XD)
By the way, thanks for the watch and fav. ;)
Reply
:iconabracadabrante:
Abracadabrante Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
My pleasure! It was very nice work.

& yes, I definitely agree about the ampersands. :)

Thanks for the watch as well.
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, they're quite lovely...oh, & the irony. XD You're very welcome. ^^
Reply
:iconabracadabrante:
Abracadabrante Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
:)
Reply
:icondippipippi:
dippipippi Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
i hope you are okay, dear. your writing is beautiful.
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanke ye kindly, Ma'am. I'm glad you think so. :heart:
Reply
:iconsolarumnyx:
SolarumNyx Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
dear, if we all fell in love with our eyes closed, you'd be one of the most beautiful people out there with your amazing thoughts.

think about that - because you are amazing and beautiful. <3

my notes are always open.
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My thoughts aren't amazing; they're just thoughts. But, if you want to call them so, I won't protest. ^^

Thank you though, anyways. I really do appreciate and respect anyone who's willing to put out there time and help. :)
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:iconsolarumnyx:
SolarumNyx Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
In stanza five, instead of tumlt, I think it's supposed to be tumult...

I'm sorry you have angst in your gallery now. :hug: If you want to talk about it, you can send me a note. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconinsomniaplague:
insomniaplague Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
And this is why I need spellcheck. ;-; Oops~ I fixed that.

I'm sorry too. -shrug- I'll remember that, though. ^^
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