no one is ever going to want me

Hi... I saw this literature entry when submitting to a group, and I couldn't help but want to click on it, thinking I want to give this person some comfort. I know what it's like to feel all alone, and feel like such a worthless creature. I am cheerful most of the time... although 2 and 1/2 years ago, I was suicidal for 5 years since thirteen years old. All individuals who barely breathe through this know that it is such a horrific fact that a creature can go through this. If you are a teen and you are feeling suicidal, amazingly enough some people seem not to take you seriously. Emotions are real, emotions are inside of your creature, they are the realist thing... a consciousness is real- 'er' than matter. I am so sorry that you are going through this... in a lot of people there is an emotional blockage, and they just overlook single individuals like people who want to actually kill themselves. This coldness can be inflicted onto young ones, like an infection. I opened up to an adult who is a parent and a school teacher. I opened up to him about the fact that I had been in actual suicidal depression for 5 years. He actually nonchalantly looked me in the eyes, and said, like a mature adult; "Well, you survived, and you have to get over that now." I was so shocked that existence can go even a bane BELOW, seemingly a bane BELOW... if feeling suicidal was the lowest thing... a bane BELOW suicidal feelings, and that is putting into that exact sentence, those exact words, that statement --- 'Well, you survived, and you have to get over that now."  I felt like such a worthless human being. It was the way he put those words together. I still can't even believe he said that, but then I remind myself that we live in a world of rapists, and child molesters, and that those are human minds that exist that we can't even begin to fathom to understand either. Thinking about that fact settles me a little bit. 

You just don't say that, to any human being... ever. Because that thing is so alien, and outside the plane of existence... I just usually almost don't feel any emotions about it whatsoever, aside from maybe the fact that I am not shocked with myself that I would be totally fine with it if he had one of his eyeballs gouged out as punishment for what he said to a child, that could permanently damage that child as a human being.

The great thing is that I can survive even what he said to tell other children of this earthly plane... whether you're a 17 year old child, or an 88 year old child... the horror of the fact that that statement can exist, and could even be uttered as such an individual who thinks it cares, such as a schoolteacher. It really is equally, if not more horrible, than being suicidal itself. I am still emotionally healing myself to this day. If you're feeling suicidal, you're still human. I don't know WHAT that non-human THING was inside of him. 

I really, very hope that this has helped you, dear sibling creature on this earth, and that you can get OUT of being suicidal, and not be 'getting over' it.

I really hope you can go through the shit puddles with figurative maggots and flies in it, as you drag your belly across the rotting sludge of feeling like this, and that after you come out of this horrible sludge you are in, that the right people can be made siblings to you on this earth, and heal you, and hug you, and clean you of the poop diarrhea shit maggot cum sludge on you. It exists for you in the future, and that means it is already there, for time is an illusion and we are only creatures that are trapped to experience it linearly. 

I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Don't listen to bullshit-fuckers who tell you to be getting over it. They make me want to throw up (and, for the record, I did throw up at the fact that that statement can be uttered by an otherwise seemingly caring adult. I was sent home from school after that. Whenever I think of the fact that that statement can be uttered, disbelief and nausea well up inside me again). 

I hope this message helped you. Have an emotional, rightfully-human night.